Cleaned and re-synced by Tronar
Senator Biggs, have you talked to coach Mancusi
- about your impotence remark? - Yes.
I explained that when I said, "he was firing blanks,"
it was a political metaphor. He got it.
- We're both college graduates. - Quick question, Senator.
Sir, Digger Mancusi has proposed a flat tax.
Mine is flatter and lighter. Next question.
Senator, what do you think of Mr. Mancusi's proposal
for concealed carry at stadium bars?
I don't think it goes far enough.
I'm for a comprehensive carry,
stop, frisk and stand your ground bill.
Do you have a moment, sir?
This is Angie.
Hey, Angie, it's Jason from oppo.
- You got anything for us? - I have some mangled syntax.
But nothing that rises to the level of a gaffe.
Shit. After three weeks?
He's actually got pretty good message discipline.
And he's keeping to Digger's right on just about everything.
Stay with it.
He's got to be getting tired.
Whoa, hold on.
Compliments of Mrs. Biggs.
Who was that?
One of Biggs's aides.
She just handed me today's schedule.
- Ma'am? - Hmm?
May I ask why we're helping Digger's tracker girl?
Oh, we're not helping her. That's an outdated schedule.
With any luck, she'll show up at a canceled event.
Oh, you are terrible.
Oh, well. Might not work.
If she's any good, she'll double-check.
She will. The gal's sharp.
She did video for the RNC during the Afghan trip.
She doesn't miss a thing.
But who cares?
Y'all are too worried I'm gonna mess up.
I got my groove back. Right, Hakeem?
Well, you can't be too careful, coach.
You haven't been getting much sleep lately.
That is a good point, Hakeem.
You know, why don't you take the wheel?
- It's a long drive to Raleigh. - Oh, hell, Maddie.
Driving's the only part I enjoy. We gassed up?
- Yes, sir, coach. - Let's roll.
Wear your seat belt.
- Hmm? - You know, I am kind of beat.
Sure could use a day off from all of this.
Yeah. I don't know how you do it, coach.
It's a brutal way to keep your job.
I'll tell you that, Hakeem. I've been lucky.
I never had to do much campaigning in the past.
I was so big in North Carolina, my shit didn't stink.
Now it does, apparently. It's a big adjustment.
You're doing great, coach.
I think we're gonna catch Mancusi, hmm?
Hakeem?
Have you ever gone totally AWOL in your life?
- "AWOL"? - Away without leave.
Just disappearing, so no one can find you.
Don't believe I have, coach.
Well, good.
This will be another first for you.
What will, coach?
No, no. Bad idea, coach. No.
Hang on, son. We're dropping off the grid.
♪ 'Cause I was born a rebel ♪
♪ Yee-ha! ♪
- Quiet, isn't it? - Yeah, strangely so.
Why is that?
No snoring and no fornication.
We usually get both during breakfast.
But with Gil John out stumping and Adriana decamped,
a kind of hush has fallen over our humble home.
And I wish I could stay here and share it with you,
but I gotta hit the trail today.
Big pro-fracking event. Got to sit down with a farmer.
A couple of wells on his property.
Pretty hot issue in PA, very divisive.
Freakin' frackin'.
I got my own version of that in Nevada.
- Nuclear waste. I'm for it. - Yeah.
- Gets ugly. - Gentlemen.
- Andy. - Andy.
So how's the housekeeper search going, Louis?
Not well. I weep for our domestic labor pool.
You'll find her.
No one ever said job creation was easy.
So I assume you'll be mooching your regular ride with me.
You assume correctly.
Although it's not limo-mooching, it's limo-pooling.
Good luck with the interviews, man.
And remember, if it comes down to a choice
between competent and smokin',
that's not really a choice.
Right.
Tell the Governor's people they have to keep to our schedule.
We want to be out of there and on our way by 3:45.
- Oh, and I need a driver... - Mrs. Biggs...
Just give me a minute, Tammy.
Yeah, I need a driver to pick up...
Mrs. Biggs, this is important.
Hold on, Terry. What is it?
We have lost the candidate, ma'am.
What? What do you mean? How could we lose him?
We have no idea where he is.
He is not at the venue, and he is not answering his phone.
- Well, call Hakeem's phone. - He's not picking up either!
I'm gonna have to get back to you.
That son of a bitch is doing it again.
- Doing what, ma'am? - His goddamn Ferris Bueller routine.
He's gone rogue. What is he thinking?
He's not missing a basketball practice.
He's standing up the fucking Governor.
God damn it! If he doesn't care,
then why the hell should we?
Don't even think about powering that phone back up.
They'll GPS us and send out troopers to bring us in.
Won't you be missed, coach?
We have an event with the Governor.
Oh, hell, McGrory will be happier than me
the event's been canceled. He hates my guts.
Don't you want to know where we're going, son?
Very much, coach.
Ruby Shoals, North Carolina.
My hometown...
Where I spent some of the happiest days of my life,
when my father wasn't beating the shit out of me.
Ruby Shoals.
You're gonna love it there, son.
Well, maybe not. It used to be kind of racist.
We'll see.
♪ And she starts to scream ♪
♪ She says, hell yeah, hell yeah ♪
♪ Turn it up, right on ♪
♪ Hell yeah, sounds good ♪
♪ Uh, sing that song ♪
♪ Guitar man playin' all night long... ♪
You round up any co-sponsors for me yet?
- I'm too embarrassed to call. - What?
Katherine, GWOT-VD-2 costs nobody anything.
Except their dignity. It sounds like a vitamin supplement.
It's honoring all our post-9/11 heroes
with their own holiday, for Christ's sake.
Well, then, re-brand it P-9/11-VD-2.
- You're mocking me, Kat. - I'm protecting you.
It's a stinker.
Admit it, you're just hating on it because it's Graydon's idea.
The provenance is not the issue, Andy...
Buenos dias, public servants.
- Adriana. - Hi.
And you must be the amazing Katherine.
At least, that is, you better be.
It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. de Portago.
Adriana.
I'm so happy that you're here, Katherine,
because I have some very exciting news
for those of us on Team Andy.
And what would that be?
Last night at a dinner party,
I just happened to be seated next to Reince Priebus,
and the discussion turned
to the President's immigration speech to Congress next week
and who should give the GOP response, and we all agreed,
it should be a rising Latino star in the Senate.
- You did? - Yes.
So we went over the list of both senators,
and you were the only one on it who wasn't insane.
Me?
They're not giving it to Ted Cruz?
The feeling is that Senator Cruz is probably
gonna drive away the Latino vote for the next two generations.
Yes, he would!
Wait, Andy's doing the response? Is this definite?
Nothing that gets discussed at a dinner party
is ever definite,
including my $20 million commitment to 2014.
It's like I told the Chairman...
A girl doesn't know how she's gonna wake up feeling in the morning.
All right, I'm gonna let you two get back to work.
That is what goes on around here, right?
These Senate hideaways... They feel so cribbish. Ugh.
And I'll see you tonight.
Mwah.
Okay.
Holy shit.
- Yes? - Hi, I'm Helen Binkowski.
I'm here for the housekeeper interview.
Yes, of course. Come on in.
So, Binkowski. You're what, Polish?
- Korean. - Oh.
Just goes to show, doesn't it?
I suppose.
Is that man a friend of yours?
Senator Smits?
Why, yes, a good friend.
You know him?
He felt me up in a laundromat.
Oh. Well.
No worries. He's in prison now.
Come on in.
So, Helen, have a seat.
Now, this is isn't a test, per se.
There are no wrong answers.
I just want to get a sense of your technique
and general resourcefulness.
So, Helen, using anything you see in this room,
I'd like to know how you would respond
to this... oh!
Go, go, go, woman. Go!
Time is stain. Time is stain.
Helen, Helen, Helen.
Helen, look at me. Helen.
First rule of housekeeping...
Do no harm.
Thank you for coming in.
May I ask you a question, coach?
Ask away, son.
Why are you campaigning in this old truck?
You have such a nice comfortable bus.
To show I'm still in touch with my roots, son.
I don't understand.
Americans like their politicians
to pretend we're just like them.
We're not, of course,
but it's still important to be relatable.
- Not like that in Nigeria? - Oh, no, coach.
Our politicians travel in limousines.
In the South, you've got to go truck.
This baby's owned by a farmer outside Greensboro.
Rents it out to all the candidates.
Keeps it in great condition, never breaks down, smells good.
Even comes with its own gun.
Ooh. Is it loaded?
Beats me. Give it a try.
Jesus Christ, Hakeem!
Out the window, out the window!
- What's up, gray? - Congratulations, man.
- For what? - Arranging the rebuttal spot, of course.
That's just an impressive piece of dating, my friend.
How'd you find out about that?
Why wouldn't I know about it? I'm insulted.
Now, listen, we need to get you prepped.
You're gonna have Dilly come around tomorrow.
I'll set it up with Katherine.
- Who's Dilly again? - My analytics guy.
I've already got him modeling several lines of attack.
And we need to rehearse.
You go all Jindal on me, I'm off the team.
Does anybody even watch rebuttals?
No, unless you fuck up, then the whole world sees it.
Still worth doing, though.
It means the party thinks you've got heat.
Listen, I-I gotta hop off. Later.
Senator McConnell!
Shelly, Norman. Fracking.
Game-changing new technologies
really worked out well for you and your family, hasn't it?
Very well, Senator. We got serious money out of it.
Kind of like hitting the lottery.
We weren't using the back ten anyway,
and the fracking doesn't really bother us.
Oh, really? So no noise pollution?
Haven't a clue, really. We're not here very much.
We moved to San Diego.
Oh. Well, what about the water quality?
Any complaints from the neighbors?
Nope. None that we're aware of.
Well, now, Crissie Lawler thinks
there might be something in the water
on account of the three-legged calf twins she got last spring.
Yeah, yeah, but that's just two calves
out of how many overall?
Three.
They had a lot of miscarriages.
That's not necessarily due to fracking, now, is it?
I mean, three-legged calves do happen.
Senator, sorry.
Sir, we've got to swap out our batteries. Just take a minute.
Should I mention the blind frogs? Probably not.
- Some great advance work there. - Sorry, Senator.
They led the local pro-fracking group.
We assumed they still lived here.
Where's the men's room?
It's over there. But please, sir, don't smoke.
- I'm not gonna smoke. - They asked us not to.
I said I'm not gonna smoke.
Jesus Christ!
Whoa! Hey, whoa!
Holy shit! Fuck!
Fuck!
Hey, what happened to the post office?
Damn, every time I come home something's changed.
Almost always for the worse.
See that thing over there with the turrets?
Used to be this great old building.
I mean, yeah, it was abandoned, but you could camp in it.
I used to go there to get away from my old man,
roast wieners over a Coleman.
Good times. Now it's full of lawyers.
Hmm.
At least Carl's is still here.
Carl's.
Come for the comic books, stay for the haircut.
Hakeem, I think I'm gonna get me a haircut
for old times' sake. You want a shave?
- No, that's okay, coach. - It's on me.
Come on, I want my body man looking sharp.
Hi, is this Phil? Hey, it's Seth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm down in Ruby Shoals canvassing.
Guess who just cruised into town?
Room awareness is key to this challenge.
So I want you to take in your surroundings.
Okay. Now tell me a joke.
- A joke, sir? - A one-liner, anything funny.
Okay, um...
Oh, here's a good one I heard.
"The crows seemed to be calling my name, thought caw."
oh, holy shit.
Red wine down. Red wine down.
- Hydrogen peroxide. - There is none. What do you do?
Think about it? Are you sure?
Are you sure, destiny? Think about it.
It's not obvious, look around.
Think outside the box.
- Destiny, destiny, destiny. - Yes, sir?
Were you raised by wolves?
I'm just curious.
So how's campaigning going, coach?
I hear you're driving Roy's old pickup.
Yep. Always brought me good luck in the past.
- What's Digger in? - Late model Ram. Looks sharp.
- Heard a lot of good comments. - Wait a minute, Carl.
That's a $50,000 vehicle. Folks can relate to that?
Well, sure, coach. If they can get the financing,
- most families can manage. - Hmm.
Unlike the feds, who can't stick to a budget
to save their asses.
I work hard for my unemployment and my disability,
but the government ain't got shit left
'cause they keep on giving it away to all the takers.
Who are the takers?
I'm not talking about you, Hakeem.
- I mean the damn immigrants. - I'm an immigrant.
Well, hell, Hakeem, you're a ball player.
You make a contribution. The point is, priorities.
For instance, instead of wasting billions on climate control,
when they gonna rebuild our beach?
The corps hasn't dredged since August.
What about AG subsidies?
My brother-in-law owns a farm up near Kirkland.
He can't remember the last time he got a cost-of-living bump.
If I was a farmer today,
I'd say fuck it, and put in a crop.
- That's how bad it's gotten. - You know Zach Keller?
- Uh-huh. - He did that.
Swear to God, he put in tobacco.
He's lucky they got enough illegal aliens up there
in Lee County to get his crop in.
Okay, I gotta run.
- What do I owe you, Carl? - No charge, coach.
No, Carl, I believe I'd like to pay.
Oh.
Well, that was enlightening.
You know, in some ways it was better back in the day
when the bigotry was out in the open.
At least things added up then.
Now, folks are choking on their own hypocrisy,
and they don't even know it.
Hakeem, why don't you go get a coffee or something?
No, coach, we really have to get back.
Don't worry, we'll be back on the bus tonight.
I got a piece of my day off left,
and I got some figuring to do.
I think that may have been our one shot with the Governor.
Oh, I know it was.
He and Gil John have never really gotten along,
ever since G.J. refused to help his nephew
get into Chapel Hill.
- Why would he do that? - Oh.
He would have had to use one of his precious player picks,
and you know that's not gonna happen.
Oh, he was obsessed with those picks.
He used to dream about them.
Oh.
Those boys represented the future.
- Ma'am? - Hmm?
- Angie's on the move. - What?
Come on, let's go!
- Hello. - Hello.
I have an interview with, uh, Senator Louis Laffer.
- Laffer. - Yeah, come on in.
I'm Andy.
Hello, Andy. Very nice to meet you.
- My name is Marta. - Marta.
That's a lovely name. Do I hear some Croatian there?
Why, yes.
Hey, Louis, Marta's here.
- I'll be right there. - Listen, Marta.
Senator Laffer's gonna take you through a little test.
The answer is salt.
- Salt. - Salt.
Oh, and, Marta. A little picture,
for your application.
Oh, yes.
Good luck.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- What do you think? - Who's she?
Our new housekeeper.
Louis signed off on her?
Not yet, but he will.
How's it going in Frackerville?
Not so good, actually.
I burned down a bathroom.
Oh, I bet you there's an amusing story there.
Ah, maybe. Maybe in time.
No, no, no, no, no. You get out ahead of it.
Show that you can laugh at yourself.
You go on Kimmel right away.
Senator, sorry.
They have to take you in for questioning.
- Ready. - Ready, sir.
Okay, when I give you the signal,
I want you to... Oh, my goodness!
What have I done? Red wine on the carpet.
Where do you keep your vacuum, sir?
Stand down, young lady. The test is over.
How does $200 for four hours, twice a week sound?
Okay, $300.
Angie, is that you?
- Yes, sir, Senator. - How'd you find me, girl?
A Mancusi volunteer spotted you in town
- and called it in. - Amazing.
Digger's got eyes on me, even in my own backyard.
- You want a beer? - Um, sure. Thank you, sir.
Help yourself.
- You okay, Senator? - I am.
I'm fine. Thanks for asking. How old are you, Angie?
24, sir.
Same age as my youngest daughter.
She's out in California doing God knows what.
Sounds like my job.
Huh, yeah.
Yeah, your job is pretty peculiar.
Following around an old windbag hoping he'll screw up.
I don't hope for that at all, sir.
I'm just paid to be there if it happens.
And if it does happen,
you get a chance to change the course of history.
I'm not sure that's something I want on my resume, Senator.
- Don't be so sure. - Sir?
Get your camera out. Come on, young lady.
Get that bad boy out. Let's make a little history.
So I decided to play a little hooky today.
I came down to my hometown of Ruby Shoals,
which is right on the shore.
Angie, show the folks where we're at a bit.
Okay, so it was tore up some by Sandy.
But you get the general...
Oh, grab a shot of those seagulls yonder.
Cute little sons...
Anyway...